How Coparents Should Handle Parent-Teacher Conferences

A Collaborative Guide to Conquering the Coparent-Teacher Conference

Parent-teacher conferences. For some, they’re a quick check-in. For coparents, they can feel like a high-stakes meeting that either ends in a celebration of teamwork or a series of missed connections. Our goal is to make these conferences a win for you, your coparent, and most importantly, your child.

Navigating this school milestone together is a powerful way to show your child that their well-being is a shared priority, regardless of the changes in your family structure. Let’s break down how to approach this with clarity and compassion, from the moments before the conference to what you do afterward.

Before the Conference: The Preparation Stage

Parent-teacher conferences typically happen in the early fall, a few weeks into the new school year. This gives you and your coparent time to get a feel for how your child is adjusting. The key here is to be present and observant.

Be an active listener, not an interrogator. Instead of firing off questions about grades, simply keep your ears open. Engage in gentle conversations, listen to them in the car, and give them space to share their experiences. You’ll likely learn more this way than by trying to force a last-minute debrief.
Stay in the loop. If you can, attend back-to-school night to meet the teacher and understand what’s expected. Pay attention to grades, review any reports that come in, and watch for emails from the teacher. The goal is to avoid being completely surprised by any information at the conference.
Connect with your coparent. Before the meeting, set aside time to talk with your coparent about your child’s progress. Discuss what you believe they are doing well and what areas may need attention. Getting on the same page beforehand allows you to present a united front to the teacher and makes the most of your limited time. This is also when you should vet any questions you both want to ask.
Arrange childcare. Parent-teacher conferences are a private discussion between the adults involved in a child’s education. Bringing your child isn’t helpful, as the teacher will likely be unable to speak freely about any challenges your child may be facing. Make arrangements for childcare so you can both focus on the conversation.

During the Conference: Presenting a United Front

Once you’re at the conference, the goal is simple: listen more than you talk.

Work together, not against each other. This isn’t the time for bickering. You are there as a team to receive information and ask questions. If you have disagreements, those conversations should happen before you arrive. The teacher has a limited amount of time and is not there to mediate your personal conflicts.
Take notes. Bring a notebook and pen to jot down key takeaways. Writing things down can help you process information, stay focused, and ensure you remember the details later.
Focus on a collaborative plan. Ask the teacher how you can help your child. This is a unique opportunity to create a consistent plan that can be implemented in both households. Whether it’s a new homework strategy or a way to support a difficult subject, consistency is extremely important for a child’s success.

After the Conference: The Follow-Through

The conference doesn’t end when you leave the school. The real work begins now.

Debrief with your coparent. Connect afterward to discuss what you both heard. This can be in person, over the phone, or even through an email. Confirm that you are both on the same page about your child’s strengths and weaknesses and create an action plan that works for both homes.
Celebrate your child’s successes together. If the conference revealed positive news, come together to praise your child as a united team. Imagine the joy your child will feel hearing both parents celebrate their victories together. It’s a powerful way to show them your shared support.
Create a consistent plan for challenges. If there are areas where your child needs more support, discuss how you will both handle it. This might mean one of you helps with math and the other with reading. The key is to have a consistent approach in both homes, even if you’re dividing the tasks.

When Conflict Is High

Sometimes, coparenting effectively isn’t possible due to high conflict. If this is your reality, don’t lose hope. You can still make a positive impact.

Continue to be engaged. Even if your coparent is difficult, you can still monitor your child’s progress, check grades, and maintain communication with the teacher. Your engagement shows the school and, if needed, the court, that you are a reliable and involved parent.
Consider separate meetings. If meeting together would create an unproductive or tense environment, schedule separate conferences. This prevents you from subjecting the teacher to conflict and ensures you can both have a focused conversation about your child.
Show the court you can be trusted. In high-conflict situations that involve legal proceedings, your positive interactions with the school can serve as a testament to your commitment. Showing up, taking notes, and working respectfully with educators demonstrates to any professionals involved that you are a responsible and capable parent.

Attending a parent-teacher conference is more than a formality. It’s an opportunity to learn new things about your child, to connect with a person who may have a lifelong influence on them, and to build a stronger coparenting dynamic centered around your child’s well-being. It is a chance to show your child that they have two parents who are a united front, even when you’re no longer a couple.

Interested in a more detailed discussion about how to handle parent-teacher conferences? Watch our full YouTube video for these strategies and more. We talk through real-life scenarios and give you the tools you need to make this important conversation a success for your family.