Supervised Visitation: Is “Free” Actually More Expensive?

Supervised visitation is often ordered by judges, particularly in short-term emergency situations, because they are extremely cautious about allowing potentially abusive or dangerous parents unsupervised contact with their children. This can create a significant financial burden for parents, who are often already facing expenses like attorney fees and maintaining two households. The idea of paying $40-$60 an hour to see their children can be daunting.

Many people consider using a lay supervisor, such as a mother, father, brother, or close family friend. This option presents several pros and cons.

Pros of Lay Supervision:

Cost-effectiveness: It is typically free if a friend or family member acts as a favor.
Flexibility and Ease of Scheduling: You might have multiple people who can supervise, allowing for more flexibility in scheduling visits on different days.
Faster Start Time: Unlike professional supervision, which can involve a week or two delay for intake, lay supervision can often begin immediately, which can alleviate concerns about the other parent’s actions during a waiting period.
Less Embarrassment: If the child is older, it can feel less embarrassing to have someone they know supervise, as the child might not fully understand the nature of the supervision.

Cons and Risks of Lay Supervision:

Bias: There is an inherent assumption of bias if a family member or friend is supervising. This can lead to concerns about whether truly objective reports will be provided to the court. For example, a parent’s mother might be perceived as being nicer to or about them than a professional would be.
Lack of Objective Reporting and Documentation: Lay supervisors typically lack the training and discipline to prepare the objective reports and collect the data that courts and other professionals look for. This accurate documentation is crucial for demonstrating that supervision is no longer needed.
Trust Issues: If the supervisor is chosen by your ex-partner’s family, you may not trust them to be an honest reporter of the situation. They might misrepresent an innocent situation or “color the truth” in their testimony, making it appear negative for you.
Strain on Relationships: Forcing friends or family into the role of a supervisor can be uncomfortable for them, especially if they anticipate being called as a witness. This can strain relationships, particularly during an already stressful time.

Pros of Professional Supervision:

Trustworthiness and Reliability: Professional supervisors are trained to know what to look for, say the right things to the child to make them comfortable, and document accurately what occurred. Courts can rely on their reports.
Collaboration with Other Professionals: A professional supervisor can effectively communicate with other professionals involved in the case, such as reconciliation therapists or guardian ad litems. This understanding between professionals can lead to a more efficient outcome and potentially save money by reaching resolutions more quickly, thereby reducing overall legal expenses.
Valuable Feedback: A well-trained and competent supervisor can provide valuable feedback on any parenting gaps you might have, offering insights that can help you improve.
Avoids Bias Concerns: With a professional, there are no worries about bias from either side. This allows the court to receive data it trusts, which can lead to quicker resolutions and help parents move out of the “tumultuous cycle of separation and the conflict of the litigation process.”

Cons of Professional Supervision:

Cost: The most obvious con is the hourly cost, which can be significant.
Potential Delays and Scheduling Difficulties: There can be a delay in getting supervision started due to intake processes, and it might be difficult to schedule visits, especially around holidays.
Considerations for Choosing a Supervisor:
“Gold Standard” for Lay Supervision: The best-case scenario for lay supervision involves your ex-partner’s family member (e.g., their mother, father, or brother) who is trusted by both parties to be fair and honest in their reporting to the court and guardian ad litem. This scenario avoids the perception of bias and the associated fees of professional supervision.
“Worst Case” for Lay Supervision: The worst-case scenario involves your own family member who is biased, judgmental, or not candid in their testimony or reports. If they only present a “rosy picture” without any critiques, the court may become concerned that it is not receiving a true report.
Long-Term Costs: While professional supervision requires an upfront investment, it can ultimately be more cost-effective in the long run. The efficiency gained from reliable reports and quicker resolutions can save significant attorney, guardian ad litem, and therapist fees.
Practical Factors: When making your decision, consider your available family members or friends that your ex-partner would approve of, your flexibility with professional supervisors, your financial capacity, and whether other professionals are involved in your case who might charge more if you use a lay supervisor. If you might be responsible for your ex-partner’s attorney fees, a lay supervisor could also cause extra time and charges for their attorney.

Ultimately, if you can afford it, professional supervision is often recommended because it can be faster, provide better data, alleviate concerns about bias, and offer trusted information to the court for quicker resolutions.

This pivotal time in your family’s life can be overwhelming, but you don’t have to face it alone. Our courses are designed to give you the clarity and confidence to make the best decisions for your children, turning conflict into collaboration. Let us guide you toward a more peaceful and stable coparenting future.