How to Fix Boring or Expensive Supervised or Remote Visitation

From a Screen to a Connection: Rethinking Supervised and Remote Visitation

Managing separation and coparenting can feel overwhelming, especially when you’re dealing with visitation. Maybe you’re facing the challenges of a long-distance relationship with your child, or perhaps a supervised visitation order is in place and you’re struggling with the cost. It’s natural to worry that you’re losing your connection, and the typical phone call or video chat can start to feel stale and boring for a kid. You’re not alone in wanting something more meaningful for your family.

When we put the child’s best interest first, we often discover that the most powerful interactions don’t always look how we expect them to. What if we told you there’s a modern, engaging alternative that could transform visitation from a chore into a source of genuine connection? We’re talking about video game visitation.

This might sound a little unconventional, but it can be incredibly helpful, especially for fathers and sons. The principles, however, apply to any parent-child relationship.

Why Video Games? It’s More Than Just Play

One of the common concerns with screen time is that it’s passive, but video game visitation is different—it’s an active, shared experience. For a child, a phone call can feel like a one-sided conversation, but in a game, the focus shifts from forced talking to a collaborative mission.

This approach can be so powerful because it positively changes the parent-child dynamic. Imagine playing a game like Minecraft or Roblox. The child, who likely knows the game better than you do, is in control. They can direct the action, teach you how to play, and lead the adventure. This shift in power can be incredibly empowering for a kid. When children feel in control and in their “zone,” they often feel safe enough to open up and communicate more freely. The conversation flows naturally, becoming less about talking and more about the shared experience. As one parent shared, playing alongside his son led to some of their best conversations.

A Deeper Connection: Beyond the Game

The benefits of video game visitation go far beyond simply having fun. A study in Baltimore with incarcerated fathers found that when they had more engaging visits with their children, both in person and electronically, their behavior improved while they were in prison. After their release, their rate of recidivism—or getting into trouble again—also went down. Researchers linked these positive changes to the fathers better understanding their role as a parent. This increased contact helped them develop better parenting skills, which they could use once they were out.

This is a valuable lesson for all coparents. Maintaining that connection is vital for both the child and the parent. It helps a child feel loved, wanted, and not abandoned, which is so important for their self-esteem. For the parent, it serves as a powerful reminder that being a parent is a profound role that changes a person. It can provide a sense of purpose that leads to better decisions and a greater focus on their children’s needs.

Video game visitation can also be a good solution for custodial parents concerned about privacy. It keeps the child focused on the game, allowing the other parent to have meaningful contact without the child inadvertently showing them private areas of the home during a video call.

Making It Work for Your Family

If video game visitation sounds like a potential solution for your family, here are a few things to keep in mind to make it a success:

• Pick the right game. Choose something that is developmentally appropriate and engaging for your child. For younger kids, games like Minecraft or Roblox are great, while older children might enjoy a game like Call of Duty with their parent. The key is to choose a game where the child is likely to be better than you are, so they can feel in control.
• Supervision can be discreet. If supervision is required, a supervisor can join the game as a player, and a young child might not even realize they are there for that purpose. The most important thing is that the parent and child can hear and talk to each other, as this verbal connection is crucial.
• Set clear boundaries. Visitation times should be clearly established and respected, just like any other visit. This helps ensure the custodial parent knows the order is being followed and the child is safe.
• Prepare for emotional reactions. You might worry a parent could get upset if they aren’t doing well in the game. In such cases, a supervisor can observe how the parent reacts and intervene if needed. A parent’s willingness to “submit” to a child’s authority within the game can also be a positive indicator of their ability to adapt and prioritize what’s helpful for their child in real life.

This kind of connection might not be something you hear about in every courtroom, but it’s a powerful and effective tool for maintaining a bond, especially for families navigating the complexities of separation. It can be a calming and sophisticated way to ensure your child feels loved and seen.

If this topic resonates with you, you’re not alone. The challenges of distance and visitation are common for many families. To dive deeper into this subject, we invite you to listen to our podcast episode, “Long Distance Visitation,” where we explore strategies and insights for building and maintaining strong family connections across the miles. It’s a great way to find inspiration and practical tips you can use right away.